What If Series: The Avengers
by AesirSecrets
Summary: What if everyone called Loki The Beautiful Dancing Princess Gazelle for a whole god-dangin' week? What if Hawkeye MISSED a target? OH! The Tragedy! O.O What if Captain America had an addiction to coffee? Send me your weird/funny/random/serious situations you'd like to see the Avengers characters in!
1. Chapter 1

Hello and welcome to the What If Series!

Now, I'm just sayin'... I daydream at school (Chemistry) about random situations that aren't in the movie of The Avengeeeeeers!

What If... Everyone pranked Loki and called him The Beautiful Dancing Princess Gazelle for a whole god-dangin' week?

What If... Hawkeye MISSED a target? Oh! The tragedy!

What If... Captain America had a crazy addiction to coffee? PSH, the Sleeping Beauty :P

Have you daydreamed about randomness, but you couldn't really savor the flavah of the situation because it hasn't been written yet?

Well look-y here! Yo weird little dreams will come true!

Just send your funny/serious/creepy/totally and completely random ideas for The Avengers in the form of a review or PM, and I will write the situation as one chaptah!


	2. Hard Times For Loki

**Thank you so much for the review! Send moh! Send moh!**

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_**Hard Times for Loki**_

AppleTea

_What if every avenger (minus Thor) had a serious hard on for Loki?!_

**WARNING: as it implies in the prompt, this chapter will be... not PG13.**

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"THE PARTY HAS ARRIVED!" a great big yellow-haired monster burst through the roof of Stark Tower. There was a simultaneous sigh of exasperation from a group of special people sitting at a bar.

"GAH! WHAT THE _HELL_ DID YOU DO?!" A certain genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist screams at the gaping hole in his beautiful tower.

Thor straightens himself up and proudly holds out a limp Loki.

"I don't... I don't see how that's a party," a Russian hottie replies.

"Folly! I am the BEST drinker there is! I challenge thee! And thee!" Thor replies, pointing at each Avenger in turn.

"MY BEAUTIFUL BABY! HONEY! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!" Tony Stark kneels at the huge pile of debris and broken ceiling.

"I was talking about the little girl you're holding in your hand," Natasha deadpans.

"OH, LOKI!" Thor seems to just notice his brother and lets go of him. The god falls to the floor and groans.

"Hey, why doesn't he have a thingy on his mouth?" Hawkeye sets down his glass of champagne and eyes the moaning god skeptically.

"Oh, Father decided that Loki won't try to do anything tricky."

"TONY, QUIT YOUR CHILDISH WHINING!" Steve Rogers yells at the crying hunched billionaire. Everyone freezes and stares at the usually silent soldier.

"Oh. Sorry..." Steve replies, cheeks reddening in embarrassment.

"You know, that's the first time I've heard you yell," a silky voice interrupts everyone's thoughts. Everyone's head snaps to Loki's and they notice he's dragged himself off the floor and is laying on Tony Stark's white couch, hands behind his head and muddy feet crossed on the other armrest.

"MY BABY! WHY ARE YOU SO DIRTY?!" Tony runs over to the couch and gingerly touches the fabric, fake crying again.

"It's because I'm on here," Loki simply replies.

Natasha's eyes widen and she nearly drops her glass as his green eyes turn to her and winks.

"Uhm... uhm..." she stutters, brain immediately thinking,_ "That's what she said."_

"Miss, are you alright?" Steve turns to her and she shakes her head, unable to say anything else.

She slowly looks at Hawkeye and notices him noticing her noticing him. Their cheeks redden simultaneously and they start to giggle, knowing that they're thinking the same damn immature thing.

"Guys, try to keep your minds out of the gutter, m'kay?" the silent Bruce Banner cuts in.

Natasha and Hawkeye suddenly erupt into laughter, earning strange looks from everyone.

Suddenly, a pair of emerald eyes bore into Natasha's, and she immediately shuts up.

"Why are you _laughing?" _Loki hisses, silken voice running through her mind.

She stays silent, not daring to speak. Suddenly, a fire erupts between her legs, and if her cheeks could redden even more, it does. An ache forms within her body as she notices the closeness of the God of Mischief's lips to hers, his body to her body, and she dryly swallows nothing. Her wide eyes take in the strong jaw, the intensity of his eyes, and even though he called her a quim in the past, she would easily let her call her a quim any time he wanted if she could have a night with the alluring god.

His eyes turn away from hers, and her heart catches up to her and races when Loki glares at Hawkeye, silently threatening. He swallows hard, and the Russian looks at him with disappointment. Why was Loki giving _him _all the attention?

Hawkeye's limbs try to reach for his bow and arrows, but they don't respond. Is he stuck because Loki's doing some weird mind-controlling thing like the Tesseract, or... something else? He doesn't dare look down, for fear of Loki knowing his emotions running wildly through his head. But he feels it. Oh yes, the unmistakable yearning to just... relieve the tension. His mind rages as Loki looks at each Avenger with the same glare.

Every single Avenger's heart suddenly stops.

Steve's face darkens to a deep red as _his _monkey starts to fly (he's still damn proud of getting that reference) and he clears his throat.

Bruce stiffly and awkwardly nods to Thor. Stark, knowing (and understanding) his intent cries out, "OH LOOK OVER THERE!" Loki's head snaps over to Thor, who's playing with a cat (how the HELL did that get in there?!) and rubbing its head. Loki's emerald eyes soften and he breaks out into a soft smile, chuckling the tiniest. A hot flare runs through every Avenger expect Thor.

Loki turns around and furrows his damn near perfect eyebrows in confusion.

"Where'd everyone go?" he asks in his orgasmic British voice to suddenly empty chairs.


	3. Cause We're Connected!

**Note: I will NOT be updating by the dates the reviews posted. I will get to every single awesome scenario!**

**I do NOT own the Avengers or Thor.**

**If you get the Iron Man 3 reference and say so in a review or PM, I don't know what. I'll write something for you.**

**Please keep scenarios coming! I have a LOT more time now, so I will get to ****_every_**** scenario!**

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_**"'Cause We're Connected!"**_

Avengerscrazygal

_Lols._  
_What if..._  
_The team goes to Asgard and gets drunk (and do crazy things while drunk)?_

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Loki sighed in pure exasperation as Hawkeye continuously stared at him with wide eyes. Then he started poking the god. Loki pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes.

Why in Odin's One Eye did Thor _have _to invite the Avengers to Asgard? He was perfectly fine by himself without idiots running around. It was an even worse idea to offer them_mead. _MEAD?! Who in their _right minds _would offer the Avengers _mead _and then set them free to explore Asgard? Guaranteed, Tony Stark wasn't that much different, seeing as he always drank, but it didn't matter. He still was a prattling fool.

"Three-hundred... three-hundred and one..." Hawkeye muttered, still wide eyed as he counted how many times he poked the sex god- I mean, God of Mischief.

"Would you _quit doing that?!" _Loki hissed and snapped open his eyes to glare at the drunk man.

"LOOOOKIIII!" Hawkeye seemed to just notice him and he threw his arms in the air, looking over ecstatic. "YOU LONG HAIRED BASSARD! Les hava drink!" He clapped a hand on Loki's back, lurching the god forward.

"How about no?" Loki replied and stalked off, leaving Hawkeye to start talking to some air molecules. Loki walked through the gleaming buildings of Asgard, searching for the other Avengers. Hawkeye was harmless. A complete idiot, but harmless nonetheless. He couldn't topple anything over.

_Honestly, he's so prone to alcohol. He acts as if he's high, not drunk! _Loki grumbled to himself as he neared Black Widow and Bruce Banner, just in time to hear the girl shout enthusiastically,

"HEY! Let's go poke Heimdall!"

"DON'T do that!" Loki rushed over to her and clamped a hand over her mouth.

He seriously _loathed _that guy, and if Odin caught wind of them disturbing Heimdall, he'd make _Loki _go and fix the problem. He released Natasha and stepped back, trying to get away from the strong and sweet smell of mead on Natasha's skin.

He eyed Bruce Banner cautiously. If that guy were to drink too much mead, his emotions would fluctuate dramatically. Loki can't have that happening. If he were to destroy even _one _building in Asgard...

Let's just say that his mouth would meet stitches again.

Seriously, _what was it _with the Aesir and stitching up people's mouths as a punishment?!

Bruce was humming to himself and inspecting things closely with his hands clasped behind his back. The scientist's eyes shifted over to Natasha's black clothing.

"WOAH!" he suddenly exclaimed, earning a jump from both Natasha and Loki. Natasha giggled.

"Whaaa?" she asked.

"IT'S BLACK!" Banner marveled and inched closer to her, eyeing the fabric.

Banner was okay... for now. Loki suspected the _other guy _wouldn't let him get _that _drunk.

But then again, this _was __**Asgardian **_mead...

Loki growled and left them alone. They would be fine.

He walked over to a small fountain in Freyja's Square and waved his hand over the water. The liquid rippled and showed a scene of his broth- Thor. Loki didn't really want to go all the way to the palace to check up on Thor.

It looked as if he drank quite a large amount of mead too. He was singing an extremely annoying song in a very off-key voice and waving his hands in the air. One hand held a cup of mead, the contents spilling over. Thandrall and Volstagg were singing with him, their feet propped up on the table. Female servants were giggling and whispering to each other, periodically glancing over to Thandrall, who winked at them. Loki scoffed at the scene. They didn't miss him _now, _so they didn't miss him when he wasn't there. The scene wavered and disappeared from the loss of concentration, and Loki stared in the water at his reflection.

"LOKI!" a voice shouted behind the god. He clenched his fists.

WHY did everyone INSIST on screaming out his name?!

"WHAT?!" he screamed back and whipped around to face Stark.

The billionaire held up a gold ring with a ruby in the middle and stared at Loki with wide eyes.

Loki stared back.

Finally, the billionaire shook his head a little as if to say, _'Aren't you going to ask me what it is?'_

"WHAT?!" Loki finally snapped.

"..." Stark still stared.

Loki swore he could feel a vein popping in his neck.

"... This is a ring."

Loki shrugged and shook his head in annoyance.

"Give that back," he snapped and snatched the ring from the playboy philanthropist.

"Whyyyyyy? Don't tell me Loki's got a guuuuuuurlfriend!" Stark teased.

"It's Frigga's," Loki snarled and dropped it in his pocket.

"AHHHHHH Loki DOES have a guuuuuuuurlfr-"

"Frigga is my _mother!" _Loki blanched. There were other Asgardians watching and he didn't need such a sick rumor going around.

"OOOH NAUGHTY BOY! YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR MO-"

"Can it," Loki snarled and quickly disappeared in a puff of smoke.

He appeared two feet away from Captain America, who was drawing X's in the dirt with a stick.

"Are you not drunk like the rest of the insolent fools?" Loki snarled and sat down with him.

Rogers glanced at him before encircling the X's.

"No. My body's metabolism is a hell of a lot quicker than theirs. But this _is _**_Asgardian_**mead, so I'm a little buzzed," he replied and sighed.

_Finally, someone who has common decency... _Loki thought.

"I suggest checking up on Stark," Rogers finally muttered.

"But I did just that a few moments ago," Loki replied.

"Check again. You never know what he's getting into," Rogers replied and stood up.

Loki stood too, and without a goodbye, left him to 'check up' on that idiot.

He found Stark getting on one of the Asgardian's bicycles. To his left was a kid who was hugging himself. Loki assumed the bike belonged to the kid, and the kid wanted to either ride with Stark or get his bike back. As he neared the two, the kid clutched himself tighter. The two never noticed Loki.

"You need me to get around. We're connected." the child whined.

"Aww, how lovely," Stark whined back.

This was the drunk stage where Stark was a complete asshole.

"I'm cold." the child whimpered.

That was a lie, Loki noticed.

"I can tell. You know how I can tell?" Stark whined in a mocking voice and paused for dramatic effect before putting on his shades. "'Cause _we're connected!"_


End file.
